Putting on Les Miserables
by KittyNatBart
Summary: When Nathaniel falls out of favor with the PM, he joins the Theater. Little does he know, that in performing Les Miserables, he might meet some very magical actors... Not really out of cannon. Set after the golems eye, around third year for Harry and them.
1. Jobs Needed and Letters Received

**Musical: A Hilarious Love Story**

**Chapter One: Jobs Needed and Letters Received**

**I had this idea after being on vacation for twelve days with no internet access. It is a crossover between Harry Potter and The Bartimaeus trilogy, obviously, and for some reason, the characters are putting on the musical Les Miserables. I do not own Bartimaeus, that is Jonathan Stroud, nor do I own Harry Potter. This is J. K. Rowling. I own nothing of Les Mes, just to make that clear.**

**Now, if that is over, I would like to present Musical, A Hilarious Love Story.**

Nathaniel was not happy. He sat in his office, thinking, always thinking. Lately, Jane Farrar had gained the upper hand when it came to the Prime Minister. He liked her more, because of her 'interest' in the theatre. She actually didn't fancy it much (Nathaniel knew this for a fact), but instead just accepted it, and went along with it to seem better.

Unfortunately, Nathaniel had tried this and failed. He was no good, really, and he never really wanted to try to make himself any better.

But now, that had to change. If it didn't, he might lose favor with the PM, and that would be bad news. VERY bad news. So, to get back in favor with the Prime Minister, he agreed to start showing more of an interest in theatre. He would join into a play group. He had found one, looking for people to audition for the play Les Miserables.

But he was not going to endure this torture alone. There was simply no way.

So, to share his miserableness with SOMEONE, he summoned his least favorite Djinni, Bartimaeus.

Well, maybe least favorite was a bit rude, but you have someone who could kill you if he wished around and see how YOU like it. It was nerve wracking. Nathaniel put up with this by making it worse for the demon.

As he was... right then.

When he stepped into the pentacle, Nathaniel should have stopped right then. He had no idea what he was getting into. But, being a magician, sometimes bad ideas looked like good ideas to him. This happened a lot of times. Getting back at Lovelace? Seemed like a great idea. Going after the Resistance for his own petty revenge? Brilliant!

That was why he summoned Bartimaeus that day.

When Bartimaeus materialized into the pentacle, he took the form of a billowy, smoky cloud that occasionally let out small lightning bolts and rain into the pentacle. It all seemed a bit showy to the boy, but maybe that was what led him to do what he did next. The showyness led him to believe that letting a djinni do theatre would work out any other way than how it did. (Terribly. Actually, worse than that, but you'll see that later.)

"Nathaniel."

"Bartimaeus, I charge you to accompany me to be a part of the theatre production that I will soon be taking a part in. You are to try out, attend rehearsals, and do all other things that are part of being in the play."

Bartimaeus glared, with a look that read: "Are you KIDDING ME?" Nathaniel would have shrunk back against the barriers, but he remained strong and sure of what he was doing. He and Bartimaeus would have to do this, and it would gain back respect from the Prime Minister. All good on paper, in theory. When you actually try to accomplish anything with a plan like that, things turn out a bit... unexpected.

"May I ask why?"

"Because the Prime Minister approves of theatre. To win his favor, I will be in a production."

"Why must I be part of it, then?"

"Because I don't want to suffer alone."

Bartimaeus laughed. "Oh well, okay. Fine. But you HAVE to dismiss me afterwards."

"As always, of course..."

The demon nodded. "When do we start?"

In the other part of town, Kitty Jones was plotting. There had been a few close calls with people who might have discovered who she was; a past member of the Resistance. Even though she had changed her name (Twice) and cut her hair, she still resembled the former Kitty Jones, and people who didn't know her as Clara Brown or Lizzie Temple might suspect...

She realized what she had to do. She had to get more people to know her, for more of a back story. She had come out of no where. But if people- just a few people- knew her as someone else, well then maybe she wouldn't get so much suspicion.

After thinking about it for a while, she figured out that she should go into a small theatre production. After looking for a while, she found one; Les Miserables. It was a very small production, with auditions the next week. She agreed to be a part of it as Lizzie Temple. It would be terrible, but at least it might help her not be suspected...

Hermione and the other Muggle Studies students were not amused. Their field trip that they had been planning since the year before was canceled, simply because not enough wizards from the class wanted to be a part of the muggle world's theater.

Hermione did.

She trudged off to lunch, and sat down at the Gryffindor table with Harry and Ron. They saw her bad mood, and cautiously asked her if she was okay.

"No! My chance to be a part of the Muggle Theatre is ruined! Just because only three wizards wanted to go... Urrrgghh!"

"Well, how many did you need?"

"At least six!"

"Six? Well, then... Maybe Ron and I can help with that."

"You would DO that for me?"

"Of course, Hermione!"

"Wait, Harry, I'm not sure if I want to be a part of-"

Harry dug his elbow into Ron's side, shutting him up. Hermione grinned and hugged Harry and Ron close to her.

"Now we just need to find one more person willing to be a part of the muggle theatre!"

"One more person... now, who will that be?"

At the Slytherin table, Draco received a letter by owl. He opened it, groaned, and muttered under his breath

"Wait until my father hears about THIS."

He was going to have to be a part of muggle theatre. He had received a letter from his mother, saying that he was far, far from good enough in school, and that he needed to get some extra credit to save his bad grades. And that she had found some: Muggle Studies was taking a field trip to be a part of muggle theatre. They got out of all classes from then till January, when the play was over.

And he had to be in it. He had to join in with MUGGLES in Theatre. And that was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to him!

But to make his mother happy... Maybe. He might. He would. He would join the Muggle Theatre.

But he was NOT happy about it.

Edit: So, I noticed some bits that didn't really fit, such as the Resistance still being in order after the second book, where this is set... So, I fixed it. Hope it's better now.


	2. Trains Ridden and Jane's Outrage

**Musical: A Hilarious Love Story**

**Chapter 2: Trains Ridden and Jane's Outrage**

** Hey! This is my second chapter (Obviously) and I have to say, I am sort of excited about this story. I guess it's just sort of fun to write. Anyhow, I don't own anything. Just to make that clear. And with that out of the way, I suppose that now I just have to add: Happy Reading!**

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Janet, and Silas boarded the train. They were getting two months off of their normal school.

Well, maybe 'off' wasn't an accurate word for what they were getting. Sure, they wouldn't be in Hogwarts, but they were to receive owl post every day with their assignments, and they would have to send it back the next morning. Plus do whatever they needed to for the play… Harry had a feeling that it wasn't going to be as easy as it should be. It seemed much harder than normal life at Hogwarts… But he was helping out Hermione. And what are friends for?

The only good thing that he could see so far was that they were allowed to use their magic, even though they were out of school. As long as it wasn't in view of muggles, or in a way that could be considered cheating to get a part, ect, ect, ect. But they were allowed to use magic, at least.

All of the students sat on the train, looking at each other painfully. It was probably the most awkward thing that any of them had ever endured.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were talking quietly about the play. No matter how many times Hermione tried to explain to them, Harry and Ron didn't get it. Especially not Ron.

"Well, this man, Jean Valjean, gets out of jail after 19 years."

"19 years! So, this is the bad guy in the play?"

"No, Harry, he's the main character. He's a 'good guy'."

"Then, why was he in jail?"

"Because… because he stole a loaf of bread."

"He went to jail for STEALING BREAD? The ministry let his get his sanity taken away by dementors for a loaf of BREAD?"

"No, Ron, this is a muggle prison… I mean, actually, it was just as bad, but… still."

"Oh. Well… Okay."

"Anyway, so he gets out, and then nobody will give him work, because he's an ex-convict. So he's sleeping on the streets, and then a Bishop takes him in-"

"So, this Bishop guy lets an ex convict into his HOUSE?"

"Yes, Ron." Hermione said, losing her patience.

"Did he know that Valjean was a criminal?"

"YES, Harry, he knew."

"So why did he let him in?"

"Because, he is a nice person, Ron. Something that YOU should try."

"Okay… But he seems a bit crazy to me…"

Hermione was very close to punching Ron in the nose, so she stopped even attempting to make the boys understand the great work of literature that is Les Miserables. She stuck her nose in the book that she had taken with her. (No surprise that it was, in fact, Les Miserables)

On the other side of the cabin, Draco Malfoy laughed cruelly.

"That's right, mudblood. Your friends are impossibly stupid anyway. Best to stop talking to them."

"Shut UP, Malfoy."

"Don't talk to me, you filthy Mudblood!"

_Crack! _Harry punched Malfoy across the face. Ron and Hermione instantly grabbed onto his arms, pulling him back from the boy before a fight broke out. However, it was too late. Draco recovered from the blow, rubbing the side of his nose. It was pouring blood, and it looked rather broken. He reeled back, and punched Harry on the chin.

Ron lunged at Malfoy.

Meanwhile, Janet, a third year Slytherin jumped at Hermione, who kicked her.

"You … and your stupid… friends… are ruining my trip. I'm going here to become a star, and you are just RUINING it! You… are a terrible freak Mudblood!"

Huffed Janet. In addition to being kicked in the gut (Which never felt good), she was also a bit out of shape, and lunging at Hermione had worn her out a bit.

The only one who wasn't fighting and screaming insults at this point was Silas. He sat, cowering in the corner. Harry noticed this, and put down his fist. He didn't want to scare the poor first year.

Unfortunately, Draco had not seen the kid, and even if he had, he probably wouldn't have stopped doing what he was about to do. So he brought his fist slamming into Harry's face. There was a loud crack, and Harry screamed in pain. His nose matched Draco's now. It was broken, and blood flowed endlessly.

Everyone was about to make the fight worse, but that was the point when they arrived in the station.

The trolley witch walked in, and started to say "Dears, would you like-"

But then she saw the bloody children in slightly torn clothes, and ran away as fast as she could.

The students, embarrassed, grabbed their things and headed out onto the street. They needed to find their hotel. And since there were only two rooms, (One for boys, one for girls) things were bound to get tense…

Meanwhile, on the other side of London, Jane Farrar was sitting in her office. She was NOT happy. At the latest meeting of Parliament, Mandrake had announced that he was going to be in a play. At the Prime Minister… Well, he had liked that fact far too much for her liking. Just when she was getting the upper hand with the PM, Mandrake swoops in and steals it from her! Well, she was not going to allow that. Not. At. All. He would pay.

While thinking of ways to get her revenge on Mandrake, she wrote a few of them down.

'Torture all of his djinni, right in front of his eyes. Everyone knows how much he loves his little friends…

Turn him into a flea. Put flea in box. Put box in other box. Mail it to myself, and when it arrives, smash with hammer.

Kill him in other violent ways.'

Around this point, she got another idea. And it was brilliant! More brilliant than all the other parts put together! (Except for maybe that part about the fleas, and the boxes…)

She wouldn't have to kill Mandrake violently if he didn't get the upper hand. And he wouldn't get the upper hand if she was in the theatre, too. So all she would have to do was join the theatre. And to really make the stupid boy suffer, she could go to the same theatre that he was going to! Imagine his face if she got a part, and he didn't!

Yes, Jane decided, that was going to be the perfect idea.

And nothing could possibly go wrong…

**Well, this chapter was a bit shorter, I guess, but I had much more fun writing it. So, enjoy! I think that I'll be writing a new chapter every day, maybe, but no promises. So, try not to get your hopes up! But seriously, I will update as much as I can, I have a really good idea in my head for this story. Please review, I need to know what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong… I don't might constructive criticism, or deconstructive, really. As long as I get a review, it's okay with me.**


	3. The Meeting

**Musical: A Hilarious Love Story**

**Chapter 3: The Meeting**

**Third chapter! Well, I don't know how many people are actually reading this, but I like to write it, so I'm going to continue. If you are reading it, well, why not let me know? Tell me in a review! Oh, and I own nothing that you recognize. **

** Seriously, although it would be awesome, I am neither Jonathan Stroud, J. K. Rowling, and I have nothing to do with Les Miserables. **

Nathaniel sat in his office, staring at his wall clock. He would need to summon Bartimaeus, soon, if they wanted to get there on time for the audition. And he did. He couldn't mess this up.

He had actually gotten head shots and an acting resume for this. He couldn't believe it, but he had. Well, he supposed that's what you had to do when you needed to get back in someone's favor…

Oh, but why did he have to go into THEATRE?

His clock dinged that it was half past six. He lit some candles and scattered incense and herbs. Then he began the summoning process.

Finally, a form appeared in the other Pentacle. It was of a short girl with tangled, dark red hair and green eyes.

"Bartimaeus! You know your summons! You are to accompany me to an audition for Les Miserables today, and try your hardest to get a role in it! You are not to ruin my chances! Do you understand?"

"Calm down, Natty-boy! I already know my summons. You don't have to be all uptight about it."

"And you are not to reveal my birth name in any way while at the audition, on the way to the audition, or anywhere else."

"Okay. Ready to go to the stupid thing and get this over with?"

"Yes."

"Oh, and one more thing. I am going to go by Rekhyt. Rekhyt… Bartimaeus."

"Why?"

"Well, Bartimaeus isn't exactly a girl's name."

"So, why don't you turn back into that form that you always use? It looks better than this one, anyhow. There are tangles in your hair."

Bartimaeus made a slight change to the guise, and now she had curly, not tangled hair. "Better? Anyhow, I'm using this guise because you said that I can't ruin your chances of getting a part in the play. If I go as a male, then a male part will be filled, a male part that you may have gotten. However, judging by your hair… They might think that you're female. Maybe I should change into Ptolemy again…"

Nathaniel glared at the djinni and stepped out of his pentacle. Bartimaeus did, as well, and followed the boy to the car.

I hate cars. And I have to say, I knew I was going to hate this. Not as much as I really did hate it, of course, but I knew.

But anyway, I sat next to Nathaniel in the car, smirking at him. He had a really stupid look on his face. After a while, he said something.

"Hey, Bartimaeus… You said that it was Ptolemy's form that you took?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you take it?"

I was stunned by the question. In about two thousand years, none of my master s had ever asked me that. And yet, here he was, one of my most despised masters, asking that question. I wasn't sure if I should answer it. But I had wanted to explain for a while.

"Well, because he was kind to me. He saved my life. And he was the best master that I ever had."

"What? The Ptolemy who wrote the _Acrocrypha_?"

"Yeah. That Ptolemy."

"He… saved your life? How?"

"Well, he went to the Other Place, and when he came back, well, he was really weak. And his cousin sent assassins. I tried to save him, but it didn't work. So instead of letting me fight them off, he just… dismissed me. I've never forgiven him for that."

"For saving your life?"

"Yes. I should have been there. I might have been able to save him."

"Well… er…"

We sat in awkward silence for the rest of the ride. I have to admit, though, I might have respected Mandrake a little more, now that he asked…

We arrived at the theatre and sat down in the waiting room next to a group of kids. They were dressed slightly strange.

Hermione looked as two people sat down next to her. There was a short red head who would have fit right in with Ron's family and…

Who WAS this other kid? He had huge cuffs (She noted that they looked like toilet plungers) and a gigantic hankey sticking out of his shirts. Was this what Muggles were wearing now? She had only been gone for so long from their world… The kid also had super greasy black hair. It reminded her of Snape.

She elbowed Harry and whispered in his ear, "Harry… look at those two."

"Woah!" He whispered back "What d'ya think is wrong with that kid?"

"No idea. But that's seriously not normal…"

Their group got into a discussion about the boy.

"I think he looks a bit like Snape, with that Greasy hair."

"His hair is better than the girl's, Weasley. At least it's not RED… Like yours." That, obviously, was Malfoy. He leaned back against the couch, looking sure of himself. In a very annoying way.

Unfortunately, the girl seemed to be able to hear what they were saying. She elbowed the boy, and pointed in their direction.

Nathaniel glared at the children. "Who do you think you are? Insulting my clothes, and my hair? I am a member of the Government. And who," he looked them over with a look of disgust "Are _you_?"

"A member of the Government. Hah! Well, let me tell YOU something, Muggle…" That was a mean looking boy with white-blonde hair.

"Muggle? What's a Muggle?"

"It's a person who can't do magic." He replied. A bushy haired, buck toothed girl clapped a hand over his mouth, which he fought to get off.

"Get off me, Mudblood!"

The boy with the black hair punched the boy with the silver hair in the mouth. Both of them had noses that appeared damaged. Nathaniel sat, wondering if he was going to have to do a play with these people.

"Magic? Oh, so you mean a commoner. You can do magic, then?"

All of them seemed very alarmed by this comment. In dropped tones, the girl with the bushy hair whispered. "You know about magic?"

"Yes. In fact, that is why I am a high ranked member of the Government."

"Are you not in school?"

"I was taught by the late magician Arthur Underwood. Well, actually, I was taught mainly by myself."

"How? Didn't you go to Hogwarts?"

"No. Isn't that just a joke, though? I got a letter when I was about eleven…"

"And you didn't go!"

"Nope. I was already being taught. Plus, they teach a weird kind of magic… They don't even teach summoning!"

By this point, people were staring at them. "Anyhow. I am John Mandrake."

"Rekhyt." Chipped in the red haired girl.

"Nice to meet you. My name is Hermione, Hermione Granger."

"Granger, why are you telling them your name? I thought you were supposed to be smart."

"Shut UP, Malfoy!"

"I'm just saying, this Muggle is obviously insane. Oh, and we need to wipe his memory. You could get us all arrested and taken to Azkaban for talking like that."

"Well, my name is Harry Potter. Ignore Malfoy. You seem alright."

It was then that Bartimaeus chose to speak. "Obviously, you haven't gotten to know him yet. I'm Rekhyt."

Harry and the others stared at her.

"Ronald Weasley."

"Silas. Just… Silas."

"My name is Janet Kingston, and please, don't group me with the rest of these weirdoes."

They all glared at her. Nathaniel looked at them. "So… you can do magic?" He asked. They honestly had no idea how to answer.

I couldn't tell Natty-boy, because they would have overheard, but these kids had huge auras. They were about twice as big as Ptolemy's had been when he got back from the other place. In other words, huge.

I had a feeling that they did magic. But not the kind of magic that Natty boy did. Another, more ancient, magic.

When I was about to tell him anyway, just to warn, a woman wearing a pencil skirt walked out of a door.

"All of you, take a number, and when your number is called, you can audition for Les Miserables. You will be asked to fill out this form. Also, if you can't sing, don't even bother auditioning."

A few people got up to leave. Nathaniel seemed like he wanted to. Inwardly, I was laughing. On the outside, I just got a form and a number. Number one.

I filled out the form as the others got theirs. Soon they would call me in. I was absolutely ecstatic. (I hope you saw the sarcasm in that. Sometimes, you humans just don't get it!)

We sat in silence, awkwardly staring at each other.

"Yes, we can do magic. Real magic, not your stupid card tricks, that I know that you muggles think of as magic." The blonde haired kid said. Boy, was he annoying. I wanted to send a detonation into his head…

"Card tricks? That isn't magic. This is magic."

Nathaniel nudged me, and I stared at him. "Now?" I hissed. He nodded, like the crazy person that he was. So, I summoned some energy, and shot a detonation across the room, hitting an old, expensive looking vase, and destroying it, along with a lot of the wall behind it. Nathaniel nodded smugly.

"See? Magic."

Everyone except for me, Natty, the kids, and about three other people got up sc reaming to leave.

"I don't… believe it!" Said the girl, Hermione.

"What?"

"Rekhyt… You just did magic without a wand! Only the most powerful wizards can do that on purpose!"

"That's not all I can do. I can also change my shape," I turned into Ptolemy momentarily, then turned back into the red haired girl. "and do a lot of other such things. That's why Natty here- I mean John, here… Summoned me."

"Natty?" Asked Malfoy.

"Summoned?" The girl almost screeched. "You can summon?"

"Yes… I said that earlier."

"I thought that you were kidding. I've read a book about summoning! You have to be really, really powerful! And clever, because the demons are so, so evil…"

"Hey!"

"What?"

"Well, if he summoned me, what do you think I am? 'evil' _Djinn _(Demon is RUDE) at your service!"

"Oh! I'm sorry…"

"You should b-"

Before I could finish telling her off for insulting me, Bartimaeus of Uruk, Sakir al Jinni, The Serpent of the Silver Plumes, the door opened, and in walked a girl that I had seen before. Jane Farrar.

"Hello, Mr. Mandrake. I didn't know that you were going to be in this play."

"Oh? I thought that I informed you…"

"I must have forgotten. I am so sorry. Is it too late for me to audition?"

"Yes!"

I screamed, hoping that she would leave. Nathaniel did WEIRD things when she was around.

"No. The auditions haven't even started yet! Just, um, go grab that paper, fill it out, and get a number…"

"Okay…" She purred. "Thank you Mr. Mandrake…"

"N-no problem!" He stuttered. I rolled my eyes. "Snap out of it Natty boy, she's just a girl…"

The blonde boy raised an eyebrow. "Why do you keep calling a boy named John 'Natty-boy'?"

Realizing my mistake, I bit my tongue. Which felt pretty weird, considering it was just a bit of essence to me… "I… didn't say 'Natty boy'. I said 'Fatty boy'. Because he is worried. About his weight."

Malfoy looked him over, rolled his eyes, and nodded.

"I am so sure."

Well, it wasn't a good excuse, but it was better than nothing. The (extremely thin) Nathaniel was staring daggers into me, but I ignored it. Soon, the annoying woman in the pencil skirt walked out again.

"Number one, please come here for your audition…"

I got up, and left.

**Oooh! What happens next? (Oh, and sorry this took so long to update. I forgot about it… So…) Oh, and who should be cast as who? Tell me in the reviews! **


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